This season has been different than what I've had past season of my entire career.
I just want to tell what I've been feeling and dealing with. You might not know other side of me but I'm always frank to say everything.
First, I was traded to an expansion team.
When I've heard that last year in October, my heart was not able accept. That was a day before announcement. Rory just emailed me that "Could you let us know a time we could get onto a phone call with you please." I had no idea what he was gonna tell me and he just said "you were traded".
Of course there was a choice of not accepting that trade, and think about other way to not but I decided to leave Chicago and have contract with Louisville.
But my feeling was not like "I'm Super Exited", because there were some reason and one of that was my boy friend and me just decided to buy a house in Chicago that to take the next step for our relationship, and we actually bought a house right after I got traded. My boyfriend was depressed when he heard that news, and we were suffered by that.
I can say it now that we almost were going to break up because of distance. At the pre-season was really mentally rough. I did keep in hide my personal side and didn't tell anybody about that, but we did overcome together.

And soccer side, building up a new team, being surrounded by many of young players, and got being in new environment makes to be in different circumstance than usual was really tough for me. And I've been struggling with managing my own emotions and frustrations. But I've seen our amazing fans that makes me feel joy and I've been learning lots of new things here. I hope this will help in the future as player and being human as well.
Second, our ex-head coach got fired at the end of August which is middle of the season, and it was hard to understand what was happening on this team, and I got a lots of fear and doubt, because everything what we were told was up in the air. And it's hard to see what is the fact and truth, because what I've been seeing was not like that. But once I was told during the game by him that "I was not good enough". He emotionally said to me that hurt me and lost my motivation for little while.
Things what happened on this team was actually disappointing, and I extremely thought why this is happening, this should not be happened.... It's hard to describe by the word what I was feeling because I felt like I was in the wash machine.
And now, another thing came up. This is big and huge impact to the society. We as players started to stand up against abusive and harassment by coach that for making things better for many other women, so this is not only for us players who is playing in the NWSL currently. That means all Women athlete should deserve better.
The league need to be better.
The coaches need to be better.
The organization need to be better.
And also the players need to be better. I always want to think about this what I can be better no matter what. In my opinion every single one of us need to think about it what you can be/do better.
It's just beginning, and it takes long process to get there where we want.
I want to make better this league and women's soccer world.
But, I want you to know that my heart is overwhelmed by lots of things outside of field. This was not comfortable, but I know this was needed for many of people who had same experience and future player in this league. Also I want to thank you people who bravely spoke up.
I've been trying to keep my mental health stable that not to be effected too much by like that things, because I am also pro athlete and need to perform stable on the field which is necessary. Also I am a human, and want to stay well-being. Plus, as my personality I am effected easily by anything surrounded me, so I really need to take care about this. I know better myself that It's easy to effect to my performance.
Again, it has been tough season, it has been hard to bring out my performance as maximized on the field. But me personally has been trying my best, but I've been feeling that I have always some struggles mentally and physically. I've been having some pain/problem in my body for entire season which I've ever had before. Also I've had lots of dangerous tackles and one of that was bone bruised for my ribs that's still taking process for healing.
I really want you to think first about your well-being. That makes person next you better and give them positive effect.
Mental connected with body all the time. I have only one wish for now that is to have healthy body and mental. If I don't have them, it's hard to think of other people and do more for others.

And now, this article came up.
I know what has been going on Red Stars, because I was there. But I don't want to say much about what he did to me. I only want to tell that it was not comfortable circumstance to play and needed to shut down my ear/heart often to focus my/our performance.

I still love Chicago Fans and City. It was one of the best memory I've had in my career.
I hope everything will go well and everybody will be happy, and hope we will be able to see lots of people's smile in the future who would play in the NWSL, fans and everybody who is involved with this game!
Yuki
Yuki, Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I am sad that this year has been so hard on you! I only see you from the stands, but greatly appreciate all you did to make this expansion team better. Your enthusiasm, skills, and joy on the pitch makes me happy every match.
My best memory of the season was your second half goal in the Women's Cup finals, because the team was not in a good place and had mostly given up. Then Lauren crossed the ball to you and you contorted you body to score the goal that changed the team's perspective (I hope that was not that cause of the pain in your body). There was m…