Crumbling, Resisting, Reborn — The Year My Heart Never Stopped Trembling: 2008 (Part 1)

The year 2008 is a special one in my football life. That one year quietly, but unmistakably, pushed me toward the “next version” of myself.

The questions that had started to sprout in 2007 — “Who am I?” “Where do I want to go?” — began to show faint traces of answers in 2008.

University, club, and one more stage — the national team. While swaying between these three environments, I kept searching for my own “axis.”

I didn’t know what was right, and I didn’t have anything firm I could believe in. Even so, I resisted, clung on, and kept living while struggling. The traces of that are carved vividly into my notebooks from that time.

Footprints of 2008

February 2 (Sat) – Start of the season

This year I’m intentionally not going to take on anything new. Instead of leaning on something new, I want this year’s theme to be leveling up myself. The theme is going to be: how I change and evolve through my own strength.Flattening the team’s overall level of awareness. There will always be players whose awareness is low… but this year I want it flat.

Captain is Sawa-san. Gomi-san is the “shadow boss.”The season has finally started. I’m happy.

The training load today, for us, wasn’t that hard… I think. During the juggling (keep-up) training, I felt, “This is lukewarm.”Or more like, “Why can’t they do this?” If you just concentrate, shouldn’t you be able to do this without mistakes? I really don’t get it. We get scolded for stuff like this and everyone gets all deflated.It’s juggling, so why don’t we just have fun with it? That’s how I felt.

Today I told Matsuda-san what I’ve been thinking lately: “I want to play abroad.”

Why did I tell him now… I don’t even know myself, but I just felt like I had to say it early. If I wait until just before, nothing can be done about it. For now, after I graduate: England, or America if the league has come back to life. Either way, I want to play overseas.

I know that if I stay the way I am now, I won’t be able to compete even if I do go abroad. Matsuda-san told me that too (lol). He was in favor of me going overseas. He said it’s an era where women’s players will also have to start doing that. Rather than thinking, “I still have two years,” I should think, “I only have two years left,” and prepare that way. I have to research what I should be doing in that period and prepare for it myself.

He also said:“Even Nagasato can become like Ono — no, even better than her.”

Apparently, what changed Shinobu-chan was that she started watching overseas games. He said I’m a soccer nut when I’m playing, but when I’m not, I’m not like that. That’s true.

Watching matches becomes image training. I should watch until I find plays that make me think, “I want to try that.” If I keep watching persistently, some kind of change will definitely show up. Something will.

If I learn how to evade opponents, then I can add that on top of my current style and it’ll broaden my game. He said he wants to see that kind of play from me, not just a “charging straight through” type.

This year’s goal is to become a “soccer kid.”I’m going to spend more and more time on soccer. And in training, I’m going to take on more and more challenges. Start from there. Fail, think, and then challenge again.Steal everything from Shinobu-chan’s play, from Gan-chan’s play!!If I can do that, in a few years I’ll be able to play overseas, right?

And I also need to build up my fitness. I’m weak in the summer, so I need to train for that as well.This year, I’ll keep challenging new things.

February 24 (Sun) – East Asian Championship vs China

• Aggressively making runs in behind

• Playing forward (receiving as the target)

• Dribbling in the box → finishing

• Not losing the ball

• Pressing back

• Accuracy of finishing

• Creativity in 1v1 near the goal

• How I attack crosses

• Passing accuracy

• How to receive throw-ins

This might have been my best performance ever in a national team match.Or maybe it’s just that I’d been so bad until now? (lol)

Even I thought, “Wow, I can play like this.”Maybe my mentality has gotten stronger.

I can finally play with more decisiveness.

Especially around the penalty area. In situations where I used to choose passing, I now dribbled and took players on, or went for the shot myself more often.

Maybe I’ve finally gained real “confidence”…I believe confidence is built through the process, though.

I took more shots than ever before. Whether they go in or not is another story — they need to go in, obviously — but I feel like I’m moving through the stages. Next I need to be able to unleash my “cannon” in matches… no, I need to score with it!!

Japan won its first title ever. That’s an incredible achievement. As a team and individually, I feel like we’re definitely improving.

We’ll set this as our minimum standard and raise the level even more on the way to Beijing!! Anyway, good job, everyone.

March 22 (Sat)

Don’t just use vertical runs, but also add horizontal movements when receiving the ball.Why? → Because the passer doesn’t know how far they are from the opposing defenders. By making horizontal movements, the passer can see how far the defender is and it becomes easier to pass.Time my movements and my duels with defenders.

• Instead of just linking with the two strikers, build better combinations with the attacking midfielder (No.10).

• Read the offensive midfielder’s movement and decide whether to stay on the far side and be patient or come to receive on the ball side.

• Understand my own playing area clearly.

• Don’t drift too wide and occupy the winger’s space. Use it only when absolutely necessary to break through. Basically NG.

March 27 (Thu)

Do my work either behind the back line or in the vital area (in front of goal).

It’s not necessarily bad for a striker to drop deep and receive from the holding midfielder or center-backs → but receiving there is not really threatening to the opponent.

Play with the intention of going for goal.

The midfield support isn’t always forward. I also feel like I’m being “made to play.”

• Duel more with the opposition defenders

• Avoid half-hearted positioning

• Be more creative in the final third

• Create gaps as a 2-top

• Move more off the ball (continuously)Just changing the angle can make a huge difference.– Especially the way I attack crosses (with more presence).

April 25 (Fri)

Target balls into feet (kakubi) ↔ “space in behind” – principles of football

• Receive on an angle where I can see the opponent in my field of vision (1–2 steps of movement)

• Use the instep or the sole when controlling → be secure

• Take positions that confuse the opponent’s defensive handovers→ For example, stopping my run against the flow of goalward movement

• Stay calm when receiving the ball → even if a defender comes, stay composed

• React early to the previous pass and start moving → anticipation

• I don’t have to dribble to get a shot off.Have a stronger shooting mindset.

• If the passer is free, don’t panic even when I receive in behind the defense!!Maintain composure in my play!

April 28 (Mon)

1. Half-hearted positioning

   -Make it hard for defenders to mark me

   -Change my starting position

   -If a defender comes tight, I can spin in behind; if not, I can turn

   -I don’t have to start my run before the passer looks up→ Use that time to duel with my marker

“Slacking off” → that’s also part of a smart striker’s game

2. Not losing the ball

   -I don’t have to turn in every single situation

   -If I can’t turn, just use the simple option and lay it off

   -When the timing is right, I’ll naturally be able to turn
   

3. Shooting mindset

   -My shooting mindset is weak

Otani-san… takes 6–7 shots per game → the shooting mindset is really strong

• Around the box, shoot first!!

• If I feel like I can shoot, shoot!!

May 8 (Thu)

• I’ve started to control the ball more based on the opponent’s situation with my first touch… but the quality of the actions that follow is still a bit lacking.

• My play is rough → high chance of losing the ball…→ So I need to improve the quality of my play when I have time and space.

• I must not lose the ball even under pressure → use my body better (since my pure technique isn’t high).

Accept my own weaknesses and still find a way to use my strengths to break out of difficult situations.

Gan-chan’s and Shinobu-chan’s technique…Is it still possible to acquire that now!?It shouldn’t be impossible. I just haven’t truly tried.If I keep training in tight areas, I’ll definitely be able to do it.

→ Believe and practice!!

May 9 (Fri)

I talked with Hoshikawa-san.

He said my finishing itself isn’t that different from Gan-chan or Shinobu-chan.But the quality and accuracy of my play in the less-pressured, “easy” zones before that is low.That’s why I can’t get into matches.

So what should I do about it?He said I should join Menina’s possession games (small-sided on a small pitch) and play like he does. If I get used to that there, I’ll feel more composed when I do it with the first team too.

He said it’s not too late even now. “After you come back from the national team, you can do it,” he said.He suggested I join one or two times a week, even if not every day.

I want to get better. I want to play. That’s all.And for that, I have to train.If I don’t improve my weaknesses, I can’t compete.

Today was the worst…My mental state directly affected my play.I caught myself thinking about personal matters in the middle of training…That’s the lowest.

I don’t deserve to be in a match.Bringing private issues onto the pitch? Unacceptable. It’s been a while since I felt like this… maybe not since “that person.”

I’m unstable now. Can I do this…No, I can. I’ll do it.

I can’t get today back.All I can do is switch and move forward.

May 11 (Sun)

Why can’t we play “our” football?I think the biggest reason is mental.

Including myself, I felt how mentally weak we are as a team.

There were players who hung their heads every time we conceded. And there was Shinobu-chan, trying to keep us together, urging the team on.

What was I doing? Maybe inside I was thinking, “We have to do something,” “We have to score.”But in reality, I did nothing. Nothing got across. That’s the truth.

Looking back, all that’s left is regret.I realized how bad I really am.

With this level, of course I can’t expect to play.A technically limited player can’t survive at the top.I’ve really felt that over the past few years.

I’m being left behind. Left out…

But Hoshikawa-san said it’s not too late, even now.Yeah. It’s really not too late.This is where my true strength will be tested.

I know it’ll be painful.But I don’t want to run away from it.

My dreams are something I seize with my own strength.If I just sit and wait, they’ll slip away.

I have to change my awareness step by step.

My attitude toward training…

Since I was dropped to the B team, I haven’t been able to raise my motivation and have just been going through the motions.Part of me refused to accept the situation.Maybe part of me believed that one day I’d just end up back in matches without having to truly change.

This won’t do.

I have to start by viewing myself objectively. My current low level of awareness is unacceptable.If I don’t train more, I won’t play.

From tomorrow I’ll be in the national team camp, in a different environment, but what I need to do doesn’t change, no matter where I am.

First, I’ll change my attitude toward training. Talking is easy; anyone can do it. What counts is putting it into action.

I’ll start today.

Unless I work harder than anyone else, I won’t be able to play in that tiny world at the very top.

The ones who can stay there are those who’ve worked harder than anyone.

I haven’t worked enough. Not even close. It’s almost laughably insufficient.

Even on off days, I’ll be a soccer kid.

Where did the goals I set at the beginning of the season go?

Look at yourself again. You can start over. You can start over as many times as it takes.

Get a grip.

What is the goal you’re trying to achieve?

Don’t you want to go to the Beijing Olympics?Where did that feeling go?

This moment now is part of the process toward that goal.

That’s why I have to get playing time with my club.

How can I achieve the goal I most want to reach?I need to think more about that.

I’ll get better and come back.I’ll be selected for the Asian Cup squad and absolutely go to Beijing.

No more hesitation. All I can do is charge straight toward that goal.

I might take a few detours, but I’ll go straight.

May 20 (Tue)

There’s a part of me that wants to stay with the national team, and…A part of me that wants to go back, train at higher quality, get better, and then come back.

Ordinarily, wanting to stay would be the more natural feeling. That’s normal.

But right now my feelings are… wavering.

Lots of anxieties keep coming at me. I can’t firmly hold on to myself.

I need to trust myself more.What I’m doing now, what I’ve been doing; my football, my will — I have to have more confidence in all of that.

I’m allowed to have confidence, right?

From the World Cup playoff, to the Beijing Olympic qualifiers, the World Cup itself, the East Asian Championship, the Cyprus trip…I’ve been here through all of that with this team.

I’ve gone through many periods when I couldn’t get playing time.Even now, my minutes are unstable.On top of that, my heart is unstable.

But not playing doesn’t mean I have to lose sight of who I am.

I have my own strengths, others have theirs.

I’m comparing myself to those around me.That’s no good.

What’s the point of comparing myself to others?It brings no benefit.

When my heart is unstable, my play is directly affected.Body and mind are one.

Right now, nothing is going right.Still, I have to keep playing.I have to keep being selected.

Maybe nothing ever goes fully right. It’s not just now — things almost never go perfectly in life.

Maybe this is just a time for patience…

What I’m trying to do in my play — my body can’t keep up, and I’m in this weird state.

The things I can picture clearly in my head, I can’t actually execute.And then, suddenly, there are moments where nothing comes to mind at all.

It’s hard to put this strange feeling into words.

I want to get out of this weird state as soon as possible.I’ll try various things.

May 21 (Wed)

Maybe there’s hesitation in my play…

Because I know how I am when I’m in form, it’s frustrating and painful.

Just by “looking” — scanning — I can feel more composed and not panic.

But I can’t do it.

Before I look, I’m afraid of something.I’m afraid of losing the ball.

If I just looked, that would solve it.But I don’t.

Maybe I’m just not trying to.

If I don’t consciously do it, I won’t be able to.From conscious to unconscious.

There’s nothing to be afraid of.

No matter how much I try to talk myself into it, unless something at the root changes, nothing will.

Tomorrow I’ll strongly focus on “looking” as I play.

I’ll clear tasks one by one.

Before I receive the ball, I will look up.Looking becomes part of the duel against the opponent.

Look. Look more!!

At the start of the season I set a big goal and confessed it to Matsuda-san:

“I want to go overseas.”But to do that, there’s still a lot I have to do.

The Beijing Olympics is one of the milestones toward that.

Since the start of the year I hadn’t really been consciously thinking about the Olympics.But recently, I think I’ve been overthinking it.

Whether I’ll make the squad, be kept in the group, be dropped… I’ve been worrying about that and not valuing the “now.”

Why worry about whether I make the squad or not?

If I work as hard as I can, do what I should do now, and push myself with higher intent than anyone else, then…

My dream is something I seize myself.

I remember how it felt when I couldn’t go to Athens.What were those tears for?

I need to be harder on myself. Push myself more. Work much, much harder.

Someone who doesn’t work hard doesn’t get to go to the Olympics.

I want to be better. I want to be stronger. I want to see an even higher world.

If there’s one thing I’ve never lost in my life, it’s my ambition.

I know I’m not good enough. That’s exactly why I want to get better.That’s all.

I’ll sort of my feelings again and go into tomorrow’s training match.

First of all, I must enjoy playing the game I love.

Be greedy for goals. Be earnest, be relentless.

Pour everything I can do right now into my play.

My position is striker!!

I must never forget that.

Job of a striker = goals. Score.

May 24 (Sat) – “Number PLUS” C. Ronaldo

“Sacrificio… sacrificing yourself.” (Portuguese)

Cristiano Ronaldo trains more than anyone.

He works harder than anyone.He’s that kind of player.

People might think he’s just a natural-born genius, but that’s not true.

It’s because he trains more than anyone and works harder than anyone that the current Ronaldo exists.

When I read “Number” today, I was shocked.

I’d thought of Cristiano Ronaldo as someone from a totally different world.“Different world” might be the wrong phrasing — more like a “godlike realm.”

He grew up in a very poor family.Far from wealthy, and spent his days playing street football.

I feel like the roots of football are on the streets. Brazil is like that too.

Reading that article made me realize that I’m still soft. Way too soft.

Do I come earlier than everyone and stay later than everyone to train?

There must still be so much more I can train.I’ve been slacking.Maybe I’ve been compromising.

I feel this unbearable self-disgust.

Some might say it’s stupid to compare myself with Cristiano Ronaldo.But he’s playing the same sport.Even though the gender, environment, and level are different, the sport is still football.

It’s the same.

I can work harder. There are still many things I should do, things I can do, even if it means sacrificing myself more.

In junior high and high school, I thought I’d sacrificed a lot. But it’s still not enough.Clearly not enough.

I want to thank Cristiano Ronaldo.

Thank you for making me realize how foolish I am right now.

I’ll get stronger, I’ll get better, so someday — see you out there!!

Hidetoshi Nakata:

“I don’t see the point of going to a team where I can’t show my individuality. Playing in a position where I can’t show 100% of my ability just to get on the pitch — I don’t think that’s right. If I can’t show my individuality, then I don’t know why I’m playing football in the first place. The ultimate goal is how much of a result I can leave, not which club I’m in.”

Overseas, even if you fail 9 out of 10 times, they’ll praise the one success.In Japan, they’ll say, “You only succeeded once.”

If you don’t have that gritty, dirty-hardworking side at your core, any elegance you layer on top is like a tree without roots.

It’s not strong, and it doesn’t resonate.

May 28 (Wed)

I want to feel more grateful for being able to play as a member of the national team, for being able to stand on the pitch.

Not everyone gets to stand there. It’s a place only a limited few can stand.

If that feeling becomes stronger, maybe I’ll start seeing something different.

I should remember how I felt when I was first selected again.I must have been happy.

I must have been proud.I must have been more grateful just to be on the pitch at all.

I must not forget that heart.

If the heart is there, the body will move on its own.That’s why mental training is so important.

Playing for the national team means representing your country.I must not forget that.

I carry many people’s feelings when I play.

Family, friends, teammates, everyone who has been involved with me up until now, supporters — I must not forget their feelings.

So I have to enjoy playing the football I love.I have to fight.

It’s okay if the goals are ugly; I just have to score.That’s the best way to repay them.

My love for football — I don’t want to lose to anyone in that.

Unless I can say I work that hard, I can’t proudly say, “I’m a national team player.”

I want to be able to say with my chest out, “I play for Japan.”

There must be much more I can and should do for that.

June 8 (Sun)

We secured the minimum goal of third place.I wanted to play in the final, but…

As for the performance, I think as a team we were able to execute what we had aimed to correct from the game against China.

We formed our three lines properly and decided where to start the press.We basically wanted to press high, from the front, but vary it depending on the time and our condition.

I think we managed to control that ourselves fairly well.

Personally, I feel my play has become more stable. Nonaka-san told me that too.

When I received in tight areas, I looked around well and dribbled into open space.

But I need to receive more in behind.I should increase my actions in behind the back line.

If the opponents drop deeper in response to balls in behind, then I can receive in the vital area.

It’s about using both depending on the situation.

Basically, I have to read what the opponent is doing:If it’s effective to receive in behind, I go there; if the vital area is open, I receive there.

And having the threat in behind is what opens the vital area.That’s where combinations with my strike partner come in.

Today, though, my partner’s mood, or her condition, wasn’t very good…

I don’t want to play just to put someone in a good mood.

But I was pretty much ignored. Not that I particularly care…

Even at half-time, when I went for a high-five, she just said something like “Hang in there,” and brushed me off. I understand how she might feel, but still.

My first goal was a lob. I think I was strangely calm and watched the keeper’s position.

It’s weird to say it myself, but I really placed it accurately.

However, I didn’t see the part where the keeper came crashing into me (lol).

We collided full-on and I was crushed.I got hit in the solar plexus and was in so much pain I couldn’t even celebrate.That’s my only regret.

But since I literally couldn’t breathe, there was nothing I could do.

I must have looked horrible — but whatever, it went in.

Next I need to raise the accuracy of my shots from outside the box.Unless I can hit powerful shots from distance — carry the ball myself and shoot — I won’t survive at world level.

To score in Beijing, I have to keep raising the quality of my play.

Beijing, just wait for me!

June 12 (Thu)

Sometimes I don’t know what I am anymore.

Why? If I knew that, I wouldn’t be suffering like this.

I feel like I’m tired of human relationships.

Maybe I’m just overthinking.I know I don’t have to care, but I care too much.

There’s really no need to care at all.

But when someone’s attitude changes toward me, I no longer know how to interact with them.

When I play, they talk to me.When they know I’m not playing, they suddenly ignore me.

I’m not playing for that person’s sake, but still — this is wrong.

Why am I the only one who has to play football while worrying about this and walking on eggshells?

I want to play somewhere I can show who I really am.

I don’t want to play on a team where I’m afraid of my own teammates.

That’s something I have to change myself.

June 14 (Sat) – Commitment to myself

Ever since I came back from Vietnam, I’ve been thinking:What do I lack?What do I need to improve?If I don’t work harder, I can’t go higher.

So I decided to train more than anyone else and started practicing on my own terms.

It’s only been about three days, and already I feel unsure, wondering if this even means anything.

I care too much about what people think.

I know I shouldn’t.

If I really believed in what I’m doing, there’d be no reason to care at all. It shouldn’t matter who’s watching or not watching.

My body already knows that, which is why it’s already acting.But my heart is shaking.

“Can I really trust this?”

My head is a total mess…

But in the end, all I can do is believe.Believe and do it.

I don’t know what the future will bring.

But I don’t want to regret what I’m doing now.I definitely don’t want to.

If I can work harder than anyone else and still feel no regret, that’s enough.

I don’t want to live a life measured by other people’s evaluations.

I want to live a life where I evaluate myself.

I’m training with real commitment to myself.I just don’t have confidence in that commitment yet.

That’s all.

It’s because I’m watching other people too much.

If I’m committed to it, all that’s left is to trust it.That’s all.

Just that.

It sounds so simple, yet I can’t do it.

It’s not that I can’t; it’s that I’m afraid to.

I’m afraid of the moment where I can’t avoid taking it seriously.

I don’t like the feeling that I might no longer be “myself.”

So I overthink, and my seriousness turns in a bad direction.

Thinking seriously is important, but I also need the ability to flip a switch and let go.

Now is exactly when I need that “letting go” technique.

It’s okay if I’m not playing now.I can treat this as a period to build myself up. It’s a good preparation phase!!

It’s a great chance to develop myself.

All I have to do is trust myself and train.

Easy going.

From now on, my task is… to trust myself!!!

June 15 (Sun)

Even in a short time, I touched the ball often and got involved in play.

I dribbled and took players on, combined with the fullback for a one-two, and made runs in behind.

I cut inside two or three times on the dribble, but couldn’t choose to shoot.I opted for a cross or a diagonal switch to the far side.

I need a stronger shooting mindset.

Since my playing time is short, I can’t just play “normally.”

If I want to make an impact, I have to shoot first.

I need to show the finishing I have.

Even if the time is short, if I can decide one chance, it’s enough.

There was one situation:

I received with my back to goal, around the top of the box, almost central.If I could turn, it would have been just me and the goalkeeper.

But I couldn’t control the ball properly, got poked from behind, fell, and lost it.

As a striker, that’s one situation I absolutely can’t lose.Even if it means using my body to the max, I should have turned and gone for goal.

But I couldn’t.

After the match, Matsuda-san spoke to me about that.

“You can’t lose it there. You have to hold it.”

Just one mistake can change everything.

That had been pointed out to me even before the league’s mid-season break.

When I go with the national team, I can do it.When I come back here (to the club), for some reason, I can’t.

Why? I think about it, but can’t find an answer.

I know that if I can do that consistently, I’ll get more playing time.

So the question is, how should I train for that?

That’s the key.

After that, Asano casually said, “You were weak again.”

I almost lost it.

I know that already.

Just because things are going well for her, she says things without any thought for how I feel.

I always have to listen to her bragging too.

Honestly, it’s hard.

Does she ever think about my feelings, even a little? I can’t understand her.

When she wasn’t doing well, I really tried to be thoughtful when I spoke to her.

I deliberately chose words that wouldn’t crush her further.

Maybe that’s just her personality, but I wish she’d learn to be more considerate of other people’s feelings in how she acts and what she says.

Maybe I feel this way because we’re sisters and too close. Or because we’re on the same team…

Thinking, “As long as I am fine, that’s enough” — that’s not right.

June 20 (Fri)

• The quality when I try to carry the ball forward is low.

• When I play simple passes to teammates, I do try to be careful and tidy.

• I’m trying to receive the ball after doing all the calculations in my head.

• I’m like a model-student type forward (over-calculating).→ I need more natural, instinctive play!

I have to demand the ball more! (A lone striker has to be that hungry.)

As a single striker, I need to expand what I can do.

Right now I have far too few weapons.

Tasks (play-related)

• Improve the quality when playing forward

• Create shooting situations for myself

• In training, test and eliminate what doesn’t work, step by step

Use teammates to bring out my strengths If I use my teammates’ good play, my own play will become 1.5 times, 2 times better!!

Other areas

• Communicate more

• Smile

• Stay positive

• No matter what people say, keep crawling forward and don’t give up

The senior players were once absolutely ripped apart by coaches. But they played like they didn’t care, always grinding away.

They always had that “more, more” attitude.That’s why the seniors are so good at this.

Recently, Matsuda-san told me my face looks scary…I knew that myself.

He said my play looks isolated.

I’ve felt the loneliness too.

I feel incredibly alone. Like I’m playing football all by myself.

That’s what came across to Matsuda-san as well.

“I know you’re working hard. You’re working harder than anyone. You can keep working without being dragged down by those around you.

But seen another way, it can look like you can’t mesh with those around you.”

When I was communicating better with the team, we had decent combinations.

It used to be that way.

Whether I climb or fall — that’s up to me.

July 3 (Thu)

“Not just actions on the pitch; actions off the pitch as well…”

If you just wait to be given information, nothing sinks in and nothing sticks in your body.

You need the ability to watch your own play, analyze it objectively, see what’s good and bad.

If you don’t tackle your tasks on your own initiative, nothing will improve.

Matsuda-san said this, but… the whole team isn’t doing it.That’s why he said it.

We can’t build our play even against teams that press us high.We can’t build even against teams that sit deep.

So when are we going to build?

If he says it like that, it’s hard to argue.

We still don’t have enough ability to take the initiative and play our football.We’re playing reactionary football.

Why do we end up reactive?

I think the root cause is mostly mental.

We don’t have the confidence, so we can’t do it.We fear mistakes, so we don’t attempt it.

We should have enough ability to do it, but can’t bring it out.

Maybe I’m the one creating this environment,Or maybe it’s the team, Or maybe it’s the coach and staff…

I think the influence of Matsuda-san and Hoshikawa-san is big. Especially Hoshikawa-san.

He casually bad-mouths players.

Isn’t that unacceptable as a coach?

And Matsuda-san lets it slide.

I don’t even want to say that much, though.

In the end, we just need to be mentally strong enough to not be affected by that.

My main task now is my play after receiving as the target.

Not losing the ball is a given, but I want to do something only I can do.

Like turning and shooting… something like that.

That’s mainly in advanced areas, but around the halfway line I have multiple options: lay it off simply into a teammate who’s facing forward, or carry it myself into space.

There are lots of choices.

I just have to pick the right one depending on the situation.

I think today’s average level was pretty high for me.

The key is to keep doing it consistently.

July 13 (Sun)

A fight with myself, a fight with the opponent, a fight with the heat.

They’re all “fights” in the end, but I think whether I win the fight with myself determines whether I can win any of the others.

Once I lose to myself, I’ll lose to the opponent and to the heat as well.

Lately I’ve been thinking:

Who am I playing football for?

Playing while being scared of the coach or manager is just stupid.

I think, “You idiot,” at myself, but my body is still scared.

It’s strange.

July 26 (Sat)

How do we build “history”?

What remains in memory becomes records.

My personal history, the team’s history, the history we leave at the Olympics.

We can do it!!

We’ve built history up until now, but history is something that keeps being rewritten.

It’s fun, and fascinating, to create my own history.

I want to make a history that’s interesting, that has real appeal —something no one else has ever achieved.

In that sense, maybe I should take more risks, try more things, and be a little more adventurous right now.

Lately I really want to go abroad!!!

I’m about to explode!

August 5 (Tue) – Day before the first match

Yesterday’s heaviness in my body feels like a lie…I feel light.

Supercompensation? Probably.

The heat doesn’t bother me that much, and I could actively move my body.The feeling with the ball is good.

Today I tried to speak up proactively, and kept communicating even about tiny things.

I feel like we’ve escaped yesterday’s atmosphere.We had to; we were in trouble otherwise.

So much media today.Women’s football is the first event to start among all sports, so it’s natural. They got kicked out after 15 minutes or so, though.

That’s how much attention we’re getting. It’s a good thing.

From now on, women’s football has to lead women’s sport, so we need that level of attention.

Kojima Nobuyuki and Soma Naoki came.Apparently they’re doing commentary.

I wonder if they know the women’s players (lol).

Even with all the buzz, it still doesn’t really feel like “the Olympics” yet.

I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

Maybe on the positive side, it means I’m not over-conscious about it.

It feels normal.

Maybe it’s special, but not special.

Something like that…It’s weird.

Four years ago, we were one step away and couldn’t go to the Olympics, and now, here it is in front of me.

The stage of the Olympics… I’m about to stand on that pitch.

It’s such a happiness.

There’s probably nothing more fortunate than this.

I’m so grateful to everyone.I can’t thank them enough.

Four years ago, I decided in my heart that I would stand on the stage in Beijing and started to change.

The me back then who just cried and cried — that weak me is gone.

I had no confidence and was always scared.

When the media focused on me, it became pressure and almost crushed me.

“How come they chose someone like me…”How many times did I think that?

Now I’m grateful to Ueda-san for picking me back then.

If I hadn’t had that painful experience, maybe the current me wouldn’t exist.

The world is big… there are so many above me.

In a way, it was a kind of setback.

Four years went by in a flash.

Some might say four years is long, but to me it felt very short.

Probably because I knew exactly what I had to do and had a clear goal, so those years were full.

I’ve had all kinds of experiences in these four years.

There was a period where I couldn’t get into matches, then when the coach changed to Matsuda-san, I suddenly became a starter.

It’s been full of ups and downs.

First and second years I played, but in the third year my playing time decreased…

That frustration helped me climb again.

If everything in life went smoothly, I don’t think people would grow.

This fourth year, my minutes dropped again… but I could produce results with the national team.

I had those frustrating days where I wasn’t playing for the club but performing for Japan.

So many things happened with the national team as well.

At the 2005 East Asian Championship, with Gan-chan absent I was asked to be the ace, but I did absolutely nothing.

I couldn’t even get a shot off.

There I experienced the wall of Asia again.

The next year’s Asian Cup / World Cup qualifiers — I was one step away from getting on the pitch and couldn’t.

That one step felt so huge.

Then at the Asian Games, I got injured during the tournament and could only play poorly.The team won silver, but I was nowhere near satisfied.

I felt like the gap was widening.

Not starting from the beginning…Nothing but frustration.

The 2007 World Cup — my first world tournament.

I learned how big the world is.

England, Germany… so many walls still to climb.

Still, the experience I gained there was huge.

This year’s East Asian Championship in February and the Asian Cup in May…I finally went in with real confidence about my play.

I have all kinds of feelings.

When I look back, so many things have happened.

But I won’t look back anymore.

From here, it’s a new start.

Let’s etch our name into history.

And enjoy it to the fullest!

August 9 (Sat) – USA match

The world’s No.1 is still a high wall.

But I think the gap has definitely shrunk.

Still, we’re missing that last step.

Physically, we’re overwhelmingly behind.We’re still not strong enough.

If I could just stick my leg out one more step, if I could just hold on a little longer…

The American players use their bodies so well.

They know their own physiques and use that to their advantage.They’re simply strong.

Part of it might be race, but if I had that kind of physicality, I feel like no one would beat me.

If I played in the American league, I might naturally develop that.Of course they lift properly too.

Thinking about that, I’m lacking in everything.

I lose key duels, my shots are weak, I lose the ball, my decisions are poor.

I want to play with more power.

That’s supposed to be one of my strengths.

If I develop that, maybe I can get closer to the world’s top.I could become a more dominant striker.

I want to become a decisive striker like Prinz or Wambach.

Japan doesn’t have that kind of striker.

Maybe now’s not the time to be thinking like this, but that’s just how the opponent made me feel.

I have a physical gift — for a Japanese player I’m relatively tall.

I have to use that.

It’s a waste not to.

The difference between winning and losing is paper-thin…

It didn’t feel like we were completely dominated, which makes it even more frustrating.

Really frustrating.

But we lost, so we have to move on.

Three days later we play Norway.

We just have to win.

That’s the only path.

All we should think about now is that.

I can’t do anything about things I can’t change now.

I have to focus on what I can do right now.

If we don’t win, nothing begins.

We can think after we win.

Technique and physical ability aren’t going to improve overnight, so for now we have to raise our team strength.

We need more communication.

Talk about what we’re thinking, what we’re feeling — everything.

For now, let’s devote everything to beating Norway!

“Nobody says anything, and you expect things to improve?We say what we want, say what we want to do, then several ‘axes’ appear. By bringing them together, solutions are born.”

— Hidetoshi Nakata

Let’s beat Norway.

I want to see an even higher world!!

Don’t you?

August 12 (Tue) – Norway match

We got the three points and secured a spot in the knockout stage.

This team really does get stronger the more it’s backed into a corner.

Our engine was slow to start, but this win will give us momentum.

We’ve conceded first in three consecutive games.We must reflect on that.

In the knockout stage, one goal can be fatal.

Defense comes first; then attack.

Since the timing of the goals we’ve conceded has been similar in all three games, we need to be more focused during those periods.

Offensively, we need more positive, forward-facing play.

Today a lot of attacks came from the left.

Since that’s our starting point, that’s good.

We also need to increase central combinations.

“Enjoy the game.”

To Yuki —

Don’t hesitate. Believe in yourself.

You’ve done what you can.

Don't ask for more, don’t lose yourself, become ‘no-mind.’

Enjoy being on the pitch.

Those who are on the pitch have the right to enjoy the game.

I know the process you went through to stand there, so I feel that even more strongly.

Yuki, enjoy the game!

—from the father of three football athletes

Three games and no goals.

Sometimes it’s like that.

Don’t panic, don’t panic.

If I panic and lose myself now, it’ll all fall apart.

If I keep playing like this and keep being greedy near goal, the results will follow.

Have confidence.

Have confidence in what I’ve done to this point.

Just play like I always do.

I don’t have to care about other people’s evaluations.

I’m always evaluating myself.

I might not be scoring, but I’m holding the ball up front and being the focal point of our attacks.

That’s a job only I can do.

I’m doing that job with confidence.

All that’s left is the job of scoring.

The chance will come.

Until then, I just need to keep preparing.

Then next time, definitely!!

And I have to stay in and around the box more.

Don’t drift away from goal.

Always be near the box!

Don’t let strange thoughts get in the way.

My strength is that I’m always around the goal.

Usually I’m much more greedy in the box.

Remember yourself!!

August 15 (Fri) – the match against China

We made it to the semifinals!

We hardly allowed China any chances and kept a clean sheet — that feels great!!

When the final whistle went, Gomi-san and Hara-san were in tears. That made everyone else tear up too (lol).

I thought, “You two cry way too easily!” but it just shows how much this means to them.

Maybe it’s a feeling you only understand as you get older.

From the beginning I was aggressive with my shooting today.

From anywhere, I never forgot my shooting mindset, always looking for goal.

Maybe I was a bit forceful at times, but I think a striker needs that.

Of course, when it’s obviously not on, I have to recognize that and use my teammates.

Honestly, I thought I’d score today.

From the start of the game I kept telling myself, “You’ll score, just keep shooting aggressively.” Lots of people told me, “You’ll score today, don’t worry,” and I kept telling myself the same.

So I felt calmer than usual.

Even though I had no guarantee, I managed to believe.

Continuing to believe in myself led to the result.

That goal was born from the support of so many people.

It’ll be a lifelong treasure.

A goal packed with many people’s feelings.

There’s no way I could have scored that alone.

I want to thank everyone.

Thank you for the best goal.

I didn’t manage to pull off the celebration I’d been thinking about (lol).

It was so quiet that I almost thought it had been disallowed!

Next is the first-ever semifinal for Japanese women’s football.

The opponent is the USA. Perfect.

We lost to them in the group stage, and also in Athens, so I really want to beat them.

We’ve never beaten them, but we’re not the same Japan as in the group stage.

We’ve definitely grown.

And I think our desire is stronger than any team’s.

In the end it comes down to who wants it more.

In this kind of situation, Japan’s true strength comes out.

I’m excited.

I don’t feel like we’ll lose.

I’m sure this Japan can win.

Let’s rewrite history again.

August 18 (Mon) – Semifinal vs USA

Hmm… we lost.

If only we’d stayed the way we were after scoring the first goal.

After we scored, I think dropping back and defending was the big mistake.

Why did we decide to defend there?I don’t understand.

Whose instruction was it?

Even when you score, if you don’t keep attacking, you’ll concede.

The moment you decide to defend, you’re already being passive.

Passive tactics will eventually break.

Why didn’t we have the courage to press from the front there?

I don’t get it. I wanted to press from the front.

I thought, “Why?” but went along with it.

If I’d spoken up and said, “Let’s press high,” maybe something would have changed.

Tactics are difficult.Just one change in approach can flip everything.

I don’t think this is just hindsight; I really think deciding to defend there was wrong.

It’s too late to regret now, though. Our defense was pretty much in pieces… so now we just have to score more.

That’s all.

We just have to completely reset and go again!

We still have a chance to win bronze.

We don’t have time to hang our heads.

Even if the opponent is Germany, we can’t just let this chance slip away.

From here it’s all about willpower.

Our bodies are exhausted.

We’ll have to rely on our mindset and youth.

We will bring a bronze medal back to Japan.

There’s a huge difference between third and fourth.

I felt people were slow to switch mentally, but I’m sure they’ll turn it around soon.

We’ve come this far with the strength of everyone.

So now that we’re here, let’s finish with smiles.

Let’s believe in our strength to the very end and play our football.

Sitting back and defending isn’t like us.

We can still do it!!

It’s time for revenge for the World Cup.

Be aggressive, be attacking!!

Attack is the best form of defense!!

The more attacking the team, the more the opponent will hate it.

All that remains is to believe in myself, in us, and enjoy the game.

August 21 (Thu) – Third-place match

Because we were able to play our football, losing 0–2 is really frustrating.

I don’t want to use the word “we gave everything” when we lost.

But today’s game was the best of the tournament. It was the most fun game at the Olympics.

A year ago at the World Cup, when we played Germany, I honestly thought we couldn’t beat them.They were just that strong.

But today, we were clearly not the same Japan as a year ago.

Because individuals grew, the team could grow this much. A year ago, I couldn’t show my play at all against Germany and just kept defending and crying.

From that day to today, we’ve climbed the steps, one by one.That’s undeniable.

We’re still missing that last step.

If we can close that gap, we can beat Germany.

Japanese football is good enough to compete with the world.

We’ve finally reached that level.

Not getting a medal is obviously frustrating.

But I also realized again that medals don’t come easily.

In Japanese women’s football history, fourth place is the best result ever.

Maybe people are happy back home, I don’t know, but for me, fourth isn’t enough.

We had more than enough chance to win a medal.

Even so, we’ll return to Japan with our heads held high.

And we’ll promise to win a medal in London.

Four years… long for some, short for others.

From my perspective, they’ll probably feel short again.

Unless we work far harder than we did in this cycle, we won’t get a medal.

But I’ll do whatever it takes.

Because I’ve felt the pain of watching the medal slip away right in front of me.

Looks like it’ll be another four years of battle.

But I’m looking forward to it.

Playing six games at the Olympics was a huge experience.

Maybe this is what they mean when they say “nothing beats experience.”

There’s no substitute for this.

I absolutely won’t waste it.

If I did, I’d be an idiot.

I’ll challenge the world again.

If I think back too much, the tears will start again, so I won’t look back or stop.

I’ll just move forward toward the next goal.

My “fun” (goals) has just been postponed a little further.

It wouldn’t be interesting if everything happened at once.

That’s the beauty of football, and of life.

I’ll work hard again.

Next time, I’ll cry tears of joy.

I’m already looking forward to reading my diary on the way to four years from now.

And I must not forget the gratitude I owe to all the people who’ve supported me and cheered for me.

When I get back, it’ll be a lot of work visiting everyone, but I want to properly say thank you.

Thanks to the support of so many, I stood on the Olympic stage and gained a huge treasure.

Thank you very much.